Hi. I’m Missmuffins.
I started this anonymous blog as a way to talk about things I can’t talk about to anyone else, as a way to vent. Writing helps me deal with things.
Now for a little bit of background info on myself. I’m in my late twenties, happily engaged to my best friend of 5 years. I’ve finished a university degree and am fully qualified in a medical field, of which I have the liberty of working part time or full time or even as needed. I don’t love my job since it is taxing and stressful, and the road to my qualification has been long and tough. I work now only as a means to get by, which is why I work part time, on and off. My fiancé works full time and we’ve been living together for the past year in the U.K. I love when I’m with him, we have so much fun together even when doing nothing most of the time and I feel like I can truly be myself around him. My little brother works in a high flying job in a major city and is doing very well for himself. I see him about once a month, when I cook us all dinner. I’m not particularly close to him, but he is a great guy. I also have a little sister, who is quite a bit younger than me and still at school. I care about her a lot, and she lives with my parents in the country where I was born, in Asia.
I don’t have an awful lot of friends. I’m quite an introvert. And friends come and go. I’m not very good at staying in touch with people, and never feel like I can truly pour my soul out to anyone, except perhaps my partner. Sometimes I feel like I am a different person towards my handful of friends. But I do enjoy the rare times when I have their company.
I am very self conscious about myself, I always have been because I’ve been struggling with my weight since I was a child. Not a day goes by when I don’t daydream about a life where I am a normal weight. When I am back home with my parents, I feel pressurised and miserable and judged about my appearance. But when I’m back in the U.K. it’s a lot easier to deal with. I’m often told I have a pretty face, but I truly loathe my chubby body and am worried about the implications it has on my health. This may be why I’m prone to mood swings a lot. Sometimes I’m happy, frequently I feel depressed. Sometimes I feel like if I were skinnier, every aspect of my life and personality would have been different from how it is now. That’s how much being overweight has impacted me. Nothing I try seems to work, it’s been a losing battle so far 😦
I love baking and cooking and learning new recipes (of course!) and am quite proud of my skills in the kitchen. I also love listening to music, reading (my Kindle goes everywhere with me), watching anime, and PC gaming. I’m a bit of a ‘space geek’, and definitely quite childish in my interests 🙂
I’m not sure if I should add anything else here, or even if anyone’s actually reading this out there. If there is anyone else that identifies with what I’ll be writing here, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There are others out there that can empathise, and feel the same way you do. If reading this helps make even one person feel slightly better, it will add so much happiness to my little life 🙂